Trailer Park Nirvana image created by Stefany Kleeschulte.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Homeland Security Part II

I fear I’ve also scared off Daniel, the night watchman who took Martin’s place.
For some only God knows why reason the people at the end of my row started letting their high-pitched yappy dogs out at five in the morning. I’d been meaning to talk to them about it but the opportunity never arose until the fourth morning.
My daughter was visiting and I was sleeping on the sofa, this time in an oversized tee-shirt that says “trailer park trash: their love was as mobile as their home and as carefree,” when the dogs let loose. I didn’t hesitate. I jumped up, pulled on my flip-flops and went out the door where I met poor Daniel with his flashlight, lit up by the neighbor’s motion detector light. I marched past Daniel to the dog owner’s door.
I knocked. He answered with a “what’s up?” Okay, so it’s like four o’clock in the morning (I know because my neighbors with the Radio Shack alarm aren’t up so it’s got to be before five), so what does he think is up? My voice is calm. I’m not even shaking with anger. I say, “This is the fourth morning your dogs have waked me up.” (wake, woked, awakened, fuck, who knows) He says – and I thought this was priceless – “Wouldn’t you rather be woken by my dogs than robbers?” Uh, no. Besides it’s Daniel they’re barking at; not robbers. Anyway, I couldn’t have scripted this any better. Sitting calmly next to me is my guarda espalda – my bodyguard – Paloma. I point at her and say “I don’t need your dogs, I have Paloma.” With that he says, "Okay, I’ll take care of it."
Back in the trailer Stef says “Mom, did you go out there?” I said yep. Then I burst out laughing as I recounted the perfectness of having Paloma beside me.
Later that day the dog owner’s wife (who also owns the dogs, I might add) says her husband is going to come down and apologize. But he didn’t and he hasn’t. Seems he was on his way to do that but he asked my neighbor with the Radio Shack alarm – my DEAF neighbor – if his dogs woke him and he says no so there went my apology.
Since then others have heard the story and thanked me for saying something. Well no thanks to any of them for backing me up. But that’s okay. Given all those dogs, there’s still room for one more bitch in the neighborhood.
Oh, and Daniel…I haven’t seen him since.

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