Homeland Security Part I

After a rash of burglaries - shoes, vodka, steaks - the gringos took security into their own hands. They insisted on a nighttime watchman (which worked great the last time we had one because our guard was a speed freak who had no problem staying awake all night), so the park put Martin on night duty. My neighbors attached a three-dollar alarm from Radio Shack to the back of their rig and ran fishing line to the fence. It set off an annoying chirping sound when tripped. The women across the way put up a motion detector light aimed so that any dog walking by would trigger it. Subsequently, the light goes off and on all night. I despise motion detector lights. They belong in the suburbs; not in a trailer park in Mexico.

On this particular night I'd been in bed for maybe fifteen minutes when the Radio Shack alarm went off. I got up to turn on my porch light so the burglar would...well, I'm not sure what but I felt the need to show some presence. I went into the living room and flipped on the inside light by mistake. I'm standing at the window in all my naked glory when I hear "It's me Martin, Martin" and as I reach for the light switch I say "Oh, hi Martin, okay." I flip the inside light off and hit the outside switch.

The alarm's still chirping so I go back to bed. I hear one of the women with the motion detector light outside telling Martin to stick around so the owner of the chirper alarm will know it's Martin and not some burglar. It's taking a while for my neighbor to get up. When he does I hear him yelling at Martin to go away all the while the woman's telling Martin to stay. Then I hear the neighbor telling his wife to shut up because he can't hear what she's saying when really it's not his wife at all but the woman with the motion detector light. The neighbor is deaf (and of course he takes his hearing aids out when in bed) so he's lost in a fog of chirping noises and voices.

I lie in bed and laugh at the absurdity of it all.

Poor Martin. We never see him again - I'm not sure if he was embarrassed by setting off the alarm or by seeing me naked - so when Manny gets out of jail the park owners rehire him and Daniel is put on night shift.

As far as I know, the burglaries have stopped. But the gringo drama continues...